in a world where you only want what you want until its yours.

i walked through the halls today and realized, if someone can read my mind right now, my life is fucking over. i try everyday when you talk to me to smile politely, to swallow the words bubbling in my throat and nod sweetly while you speak. you touch my shoulder and i nearly kill myself trying to keep my legs from giving out under me. when you laugh i want to scream at everyone to be quiet so i can listen to the melody. every time you smile i wish i had a remote to pause time; take a picture and keep it under my pillow. look at it every night when i pray and tell god i'm sorry. for all the things i've done to not deserve you. i promise to change for you. but i know i won't. i'm far to selfish, and you, you're far to perfect.

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you were the best thing to ever happen to me and i wanted to say thank you for making me who i am, thank you for loving me, thank you for catching me, thank you for continuing to be there every second of every day. thank you so much.

People, opinions, looks, hopes, dreams, beliefs, truths, love, hate, friendships, life.


all things that are guaranteed to change; yet it continues to surprise me every time.

I guess this time I let everyone else strangle me, I gave up before we started. I continued to dream of white swans and breaking ice. Candy raspberries and  salty glass rims. You're drunk off the laughter filling the room; and when everything's spinning so fast its like a carousel. Right when I trusted you enough to fall back, you stepped away. I was falling for a few months, waiting for impact. Eventually I thought I'd fall forever; everything would just fall slowly through time with me, tumbling through my days in minutes and sleeping through the night  in seconds. Right then, when I let go of the fear, the ground came closer. I smacked hard, coming to a dead stop. I thought my heart burst and my eyes wouldn't open. I was so shocked with the cold end I couldn't gasp the air fast enough. The air wouldn't come.

Its funny that I actually thought about letting you treat me like that, just because of those eyes. Its funny that for a split second I almost smiled after I found out. But then it hurt. And I cried until I laughed. I laughed at myself for caring so much about you. You're just so imperfectly perfect. You haven't changed a bit in these two years. You respect yourself more than you should and you still laugh like a little kid. You smile even though everything inside you is pinching. You're such a bastard. A damn lucky bastard.

Forgive me if I st-stutter
From all of the clutter in my head
Cause I could fall asleep in those eyes
Like a water bed
Do I seem familiar, I've crossed you in hallways
a thousand times, no more camouflage
I want to be exposed, and not be afraid to fall.

It hurts to think everyone around me has fallen through the floor boards. It pisses me off to think everyone is talking about this. It aches to remember that I'll see you again. We can melt into one. Jump on couches and float through ribbons of hope. Maybe if I wandered all along I'd never of found you. Forgive me if I stutter, but I think I'm ok...

Hello I'm in Delaware.

So there goes my life,
Passing by with every exit sign.
It's been so long,
Sometimes I wonder how I will stay strong.
No sleep tonight,
I'll keep on driving these dark highway lines.
And as the moon fades,
One moment gone, only twenty more days.
But I will see you again,
I will see you again,
a long time from now.

How to feel something

1. cry.
2. turn the music up. loud so you can't hear yourself breaking down. 
3.  put up glow in the dark stars so that you have something to wish on. 
4.  turn off the clocks, so you have an excuse for being late. 
5.  swallow the fears so your throat will warm. 
6.  pray until you realize god isn't listening.
7.  laugh at yourself before everyone else fines a reason too.
8.  sleep all day and write all night.
9.  push yourself to the brink of insanity.
10.  look in the mirror, see what everyone sees.
11.  kiss someone you aren't supposed to kiss.
12.  fall in love with them.
13.  ruin it.
14.  see step one.

at some point everything will be okay again and i won't need anyone, just like before. you taught me well.

 you'll learn who your true friends are.

If I had one thousand angels shining on me, I could point you out.
If I was lost in a sea of blue with no eyes or light, I could lead myself to you.
If no one knew my name and we all looked just the same;
I know you'd find me; because you've always been there and I know you'd never leave.

الحفاظ على الهدوء ومواصلة

R.I.P. to the girl you used to see.

Her days are over. Baby she’s over.

I’ve decided to give you all of me.

Baby come closer, baby come closer.

I'm not sure whats worse. Waiting for you to come talk to me; or trying to forget I ever cared if you did. Maybe this whole nostalgic stage of thinking about missing you and how different everything was one year ago; is a total cliche.

23 DAYS 23 23 23 23 23. 2011. 2011. ♥♣♥§!♣╒§♣!!

I'm pretty sure I rather be invisible. Stop looking at me. Stop talking about me. Stop laughing at me. Stop liking me; hating me. Stop knowing who I am. Please.