I never thought I could miss you this much. I never thought I could want you back so much. All I can say to you now, is I'm sorry. I am so sorry. I know if we were ever together again it may not work, because the trust between us is gone. But now that I've made the mistake of letting go forever, I just want to take it back.
I am just so sorry. I'm so fucking sorry. They say, Take a chance. Listen to your heart. Go for it. Just do it. Follow your dreams. But I can't. I'm no allowed to. Not obligated. I don't have that right. The right to live the way I want. Because I have people around me. Thats it. I have to make sure I'm considerate of everyone else. Don't roll your eyes.. its flat out unrealistic to think you can be yourself, you can do what you want. The whole "you only live once" shit is getting old. Yeah, we only live once, that doesn't mean you should jump off a bridge, kill someone, and tell your boss you think hes a dick. Because, you have to live your entire life. 80 years is a long time when you've burned all your bridges. So when I say, I wish I could be with you, and you reply, Why aren't you? My answer is, because, I can't just forget everyone and everything to be with someone who might not be there when I wake up in the morning, I can't let go of the life I fought for just so we can be together. Maybe, when our lives are up to us, and not the world around us. Then we can. When I'm 18 and I'm on my own. When I can drive 1000 miles for you, when I can sleep next to you and when I can kiss you without the fear of being caught, then maybe we can. Maybe when I'm more adult than child and you're more forgiving than angry, we can go back to holding hands and and eating candy raspberries. Maybe when its my choice, I'll choose you.