Sunday, June 20, 2010

i'm not afraid.

i'm sorry. i shouldn't ask things of you so much. i shouldn't rely on you to be there for me. that's not fair. really. its not fair of me, to ask anyone for help. because everyone has enough problems for themselves. it just hurts to realize, i truly am, alone. and i really cannot trust anyone. no matter how long i've know them, how much they love me or how much they promise. you have enough problems. and i lied when i said "you're right, it's not a big deal." cause it actually is. it's a huge deal to me. it hurts everyday and i get so insanely jealous when you say you "honestly, don't care". i'm jealous cause i don't think i've ever genuinely  'not cared' about something. i'm always acting happy, when i'm actually not. and the one time, i let down my guard and i tell you i'm sad. you shot me down, and said no. you told me, "later, carly." but i needed you then. right then. and although i know you do want to help me, you can't and the only thing that's gonna happen, is me bawling my eyes out, confessing everything i feel, and then, you'll say, "i'm sorry baby" and that'll be the end of it. so i won't say a word. i'll do what i used to do 7 months ago. where everything was a secret and every smile was a lie. because obviously, that works a whole lot better than letting 3 little words, change my entire self. thanks for always pretending to be there. i hope things get better. for both of us.

may i always live to be your everything,

the person who actually does care*.

No comments: